Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
