Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
