I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
