She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Randomize
