Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
