im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
