Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
