After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
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When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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