guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
