just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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