I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
