im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
