Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
