I can text with my tongue
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize