Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize