So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
