I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
