i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Randomize
