I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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