My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
