I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
