How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
