Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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