my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
