dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
