I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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