He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
