careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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