you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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