so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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