is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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