i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
