I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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