I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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