god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
