Swine flu. Run for my life!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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