A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
