Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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