Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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