this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Farmville is her only friend.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
