I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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