and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
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Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
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If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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