First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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