you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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