3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
