I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
