Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
