my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
