Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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