i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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