I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
