Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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