If that was your dad, he is hot
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
