You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
