my mouth tastes like poor choices
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
