my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
