I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
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I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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