The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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