1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
