Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Naked Twister starts at high noon
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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