somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
