This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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