I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
