How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
