"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
