Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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