i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize