i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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