that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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