so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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