Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
