I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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