Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
