Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
