Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Randomize
