epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
