well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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