my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
