i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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