I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
