I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
