I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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