Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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