so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
