You can't special order awesome
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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