I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
