Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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